The Gift of Self-Awareness
I used to see myself from a lens of self-judgment.
I thought these judgments were an awareness of who I was, but they were just stories I told myself in order to feel safe. It’s easy to draw conclusions about ourselves and those around us to avoid uncertainty, but this practice leaves us feeling disconnected, powerless and ashamed. It is possible to see yourself and others clearly without judgment clouding your vision. It’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. Becoming familiar with these stories is one of the first steps to getting aware.
One of the things I like to keep in mind when it comes to judgment, is that judgment is not a character flaw, but a way I’m trying to feel safe. I used to protect myself with judgment through telling myself that if I could criticize myself before anyone else, then I could avoid pain. I would beat someone to the punch by saying what I thought was wrong with me before they could tell me what was wrong with me. I used to spend energy looking for the “wrong” and tell it to those who I thought needed to hear it. It felt safer to find what was wrong with me first and tell the person in front of me, than for them to tell me about my incompetence or failure. Self-deprecation and introspection came crashing together to create a vortex of torment which swept me up for days, sometimes weeks and ultimately affected my identity and how I felt about myself.
Self-deprecation and introspection came crashing together to create a vortex of torment which swept me up for days, sometimes weeks and ultimately affected my identity and how I felt about myself.
What does the voice of judgment sound like in your life? Does it parade around pretending to be your protector? If you struggle with: perfectionism, comparison, fear of failure or if you feel judged by the people around you, you may be using judgment to protect yourself. Time to get self-aware.
The standards that judgment places on us can sometimes make us feel in control of how others and even we see ourselves. If I do this project perfectly, then they’ll know I’m good. If I workout enough and lose the weight, then I’ll finally feel accepted. If I make them laugh, then they will like me. Judging ourselves might push us to be disciplined, but do we really feel the freedom to show up as our authentic selves? Are we trying to control what others think and feel about us, all the while ignoring what we think and feel about ourselves?
Are we trying to control what others think and feel about us all the while ignoring what we think and feel about ourselves?
The longer you’ve lived in relationship with your inner-critic the harder it can be to see if for what it is, a voice from the past.
It’s time to get updated with yourself. When was the last time you spent time with you? Figured out what you think and feel? What do you like? Start getting aware by spending time with yourself. Even if it’s 2 minutes a day of breath work, taking yourself on a walk, or intentional time looking in the mirror and noticing what comes up, time and consistency is crucial to your relationship with you. Your loved ones enjoy spending time with you and quality time with yourself is just as important. You don’t like this idea? Time to get self-aware. Spend time noticing the feeling of discomfort that comes up in you when you think about spending time with yourself. Let it be there. See what you can learn about yourself and have compassion on that person.
True self-awareness is absent of judgment.
It’s the ability to observe ourselves without drawing conclusions. I’ve worked with 100’s of women (and some men) to help them connect with themselves, so they could have a deeper understanding of their individual needs, and no longer need judgment in order to feel safe. If observing yourself with love and compassion is a struggle for you, I highly recommend including other humans, a therapist, life coach or counselor who is safe. This was crucial in my journey, especially when a non-judgmental and validating voice seemed so hard to find within and without. Having a safe outside presence will expedite your process and help fill the areas of your heart that don’t need judgment, but love.
Want to learn more? I have a podcast called, “Eavesdropping” where my friends and I talk about self-awareness, self-judgment and emotional health. Check it out here!
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